The Naked Ape

A couple of Finnish guys named Fry and Soderberg, with or without the umlaut, have looked at some rather dodgy data gathered from modern hunter gatherers, (are there still hunter gatherers around?) and conclude that people a hundred thousand years ago were benign pacifists. I spoke to a naked ape just the other day, and this is what he said:

“I know that people think I was a rude and naked ape
And stealing women from my neighbor’s clan
But that is so untrue that it is just a joke or jape
I tell you I was quite a peaceful man
Of course when times were difficult and berries hard to find
And hunting parties came home without meat
We kindly asked a neighbor clan if they would be so kind
To give our children something they could eat
But when we did those dirty rats all had the nerve to say
That they had just enough to feed their own
Enraging us to scream and shout that they would rue the day
And that is when we turned them all to bone
We gathered all our infantry and sappers and the like
Surrounded them declaring it was war
At the command we marched on them with lowered lance and pike
And taught the meaning of the phrase What For
But it was such a tiny show, it happened now and then
Not more than once a week or so it seemed
And now you say there’s folks who say we’re peaceful way back when
I smile at such absurdity undreamed

Leave a Reply