In anticipation of a leftist win in 2020, and a return to leftist normality, I have, by a series of clever ruses, come into possession of a top secret Pledge Of Allegiance to be issued by the newly elected Socialist Democrat administration, and which will require, under penalty of law, that every man, woman, child and other shall recite, aloud and with fervor, first thing in the morning, upon awakening, before doing anything else, no matter how bad you have to pee. Out of fear of retribution, I publish it here, in this obscure journal, for your horror and edification.

A PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

I pledge allegiance to the guys
And to the gals and otherwise
Of any gender who now rules
Because they went to better schools
Where sitting at professors’ knees
Were taught in order they may please
The great unwashed to live in ease
To eat free tater-tots and cheese
I pledge allegiance to our swell
New rulers who like dressing well
In royal purple flowing robes
That look so good with tainted probes
Where royal purple is the hue
Replacing the red, white and blue
I pledge support for fascist thugs
And agencies that plant with bugs
My phones and eavesdrop on my words
And tell me I’m as free as birds
I pledge support for feminists
Who want to put me on their lists
Of white men they will order dead
And offer them my lice-filled head
Support I do democracy
Despite the rank hypocrisy
That permeates the very air
That put me in your tender care
My attitude is quite blasé
Now that elections are passé
I will obey like good men should
And for you pray, as good men would
I know that pronouns do great hurt
And here and now I will assert
That should forgetfully I blurt
A pronoun whether mild or curt
I will confess to the police
That such infractions well must cease
And hie me to a penal farm
Where my sharp pronouns do no harm
I place my hand over my heart
And swear that I shall do my part
To celebrate my being free
But just right now I have to pee

s my support’s on solid ground
My pledge is honest and quite sound
I will obey like good men should
And for you pray, as good men would
I know that pronouns do great hurt
And here and now I will assert
That should forgetfully I blurt
A pronoun whether mild or curt
I will confess to the police
That such infractions well must cease
And hie me to a penal farm
Where my sharp pronouns do no harm
I place my hand over my heart
And swear that I shall do my part
To help my lords rule well and wise
And to not cause a rude surprise
To celebrate my being free
But just right now I have to pee