North Korea accuses the CIA of trying to assassinate Kim Jung Un. Maybe so, maybe not. It is just a hop and a skip from the Imperial Palace to downtown Pyongyang, a journey the Dear Leader takes every morning in his sumptuous private railway car. The one car Orient Express, sitting on a siding, steam up, departs at 8 on the dot, and knowing this, the CIA is carefully laying plans to arrange for a nasty accident. I spoke with a CIA covert operative recently, and he said:

Dear Leader takes the train to town
Each morning prompt at eight
Our satellites are looking down
Determining his fate
We’ve paid the porter twenty bucks
To lace his morning tea
We had a whole row full of ducks
But it was not to be
A gandy dancer on the line
Was paid to loosen rails
The rails were loose and all looked fine
But sometimes it all fails
We’re sorry that our brave brainwashed
Dumb agents were detained
And so our accident was quashed
And Dear Leader entrained
Just plain bad luck is what we say
We’re limited in scope
We need to stay out of the way
But we don’t give up hope
We think he’ll hit a girder on
His trip to town, I guess
An accident, not murder on
The Orient Express