The Race Card is getting a little complicated. The purveyors of Race as qualification for receiving other people’s money and undeserved advancement to the head of the line now have to contend with the unintended consequences of their actions, as white people claim to be black or aboriginal by virtue of simply claiming that they are, using the Race Industry’s rationales against them. White guilt led to passage of laws benefitting the supposedly oppressed minorities, and whites are now taking advantage of them. That history professor in Colorado who claimed to be American Indian even though he had no American Indian ancestry is only the most famous example. My family decided to get on the gravy train as well.   

My pop said he’s a Cherokee

My mom a proud Aleut

My sister was a Hottentot

Whom everyone thought cute

My brother claimed he’d Negro blood

One drop, but that’s enough

My Polish uncle’s laundry failed

When Chinese called his bluff

His customers demanded that

He do as he was told

And iron the sheets and pillow slips

With an epicanthic fold