The Pentagon announced recently that it was storing all its most sensitive data in the cloud. But what is a could but water vapor heated by the sun, its motions determined by the vagaries of the winds, far more substantial than any man-made invisible cloud of electrons. Putting all your most sensitive data in an electron cloud guarantees that someone will easily gain access and be in possession of your innermost thoughts. Cloud borne secrets are no secrets at all, any more secure than the top secret documents stored on Hillary’s server or Weiner’s laptop were secure. If you want to keep a secret, write it down on paper and put it in a locked file drawer. Leave the fleecy clouds to others. And while you’re at it, cancel your email account and write letters. On a manual typewriter. Do these simple things and you can sit back and watch the clouds roll by.

Great spies have been around since there were little babes to christen
Some hiding in the grass to see what’s up
While others stood by double doors real quiet so to listen
Or lurking by the king to fill his cup
George Smiley and the Circus and the lovely Mata Hari
Worked hard to ply their craft in secret style
They’d gather all the data and the secrets they could carry
And gain your confidence with just a smile
Those were the days when spying was a recognized profession
And tradecraft rules were written down in books
And spies when caught would die before consenting to confession
And sultry women spies got by on looks
But now the spying’s done by agencies with large computers
A terabyte is nothing to those chaps
Who scan the skies behaving like a pack of anxious suiters
Believing that their love’s untrue perhaps
The cloud now covers Earth and blocks the all transparent sunlight
Chock full of secrets there for all to see
While Smiley mutters grumpily, “There’s nothing now that’s done right”
And Mata Hari scoffs and pours some tea