I went to buy a Halloween costume for my dog and ran into a liberal who was looking for a costume for her cat. She was furious that the costumes were segregated by gender, costumes for male dogs and cats and costumes for female dogs and cats. So furious she screamed at me when I picked up a Batman costume for my champion stud Great Dane. Hitting me in the head with her pocketbook, she screamed, “Batman is racist, misogynist, hangs out with a cute teenage boy! Why does your great brute get to dress as male superheroes while my little Geraldine has the choice of a waitress or princess?” She stormed out of the store, ranting and raving. But she had a point. Had my great brute of a dog been female, would she have been offended had I dressed her as Little Bo Peep? It is questions such as these that inflame the American public today.

Should doggie costumes fit the mould
Identity and gender?
But gender’s done, so I am told
And sexist if defender
Of birds and bees and we’re afraid
To ever even blink at
A black dog dressed as a French maid
And racist just to think that
I asked my dog what he would do
If dressed as Cinderella
He said I’d piss on your right shoe
I ain’t no sissy fella
A clown suit now that would be nice
A pirate, fire fighter
And meet a French maid, sugar spice
For maybe an all nighter