In the year 622 AD, or the year 1 in the Islamic calendar, Mohammed fled Mecca for Medina, thus creating the two holiest cities in all Islam. It would be a pity to lose them, but the world would be better off if we turned them into modern American cities.

When Allah whispered in his ear
Mohammed, son, let’s make this clear
Do this for me and I will make
Of yonder sea a Muslim lake
Your progeny shall rule these lands
If you but leave these burning sands
And conquer worlds in my behalf
Forbidding all the golden calf
Instructing infidels to cast
Their sons in fire for the past
Offenses they have done to me
The Lord of all from sea to sea
And so was born to bitter fate
The once great golden Caliphate
Where Muslim princes turban crowned
Bestrode the world whose very ground
Was deemed to be the Prophet’s own
And from such land was carnage sown
As it was then so it is now
The Prophet’s men will show us  how
To kill as well as how to die
And so it’s time to say goodbye
To holy cities they hold dear
Destroy them not, no never fear
Just make of them a welfare state
And watch them crumble to their fate
Rename them Detroit, Newark too
Then wall them in and toodle-oo