No one takes Obama’s phone calls any longer, so diminished is he in the eyes of the leaders of the world, both free and unfree. Allies treat the president of the United States with disdain, and enemies treat him with contempt. Barack Obama, prowling the darkened corridors of power late at night, remembers an old World War 1 ditty called Hello Central, Give Me France, and decides to try it. He sings

Hello Central, give me France
I want to talk to Pierre
I know he’s busy, I just took a chance
He’s the only one who seems to care
I called Mr Putin but he’s out of town
And Angela likewise as well
Yes no one will talk to me, that’s why I’m so down
And Central, I’m lonely as hell
I even bought an iPhone so I’m now in the loop
The world must know I’m still standing tall
I want to talk to all the guys and gals in my group
But Central no one answers my call
Oh Central
Yes no one ever answers my call