It has been reported that President Obama told a White House conference on Countering Violent Extremism on Wednesday that ‘Islam has been woven into the fabric of our country since its founding,’ something he has said in the past. There are those who roll their eyes and scoff at this as the delusional words of a true Muslim believer, but this scoffing and eye rolling must give way to recent scholarship. Marine archaeologists have recently recovered the wreck of the Pilgrim ship Goodwill off the Massachusetts coast, and were astonished to find that the name on her stern, still legible after all these years in the cold North Atlantic water, read Insh’allah, not Goodwill. The mistranslation of the Arabic God’s Will to Goodwill is completely understandable.

Documents dating from the American Civil War have been discovered in a Pennsylvania barn that clearly show the Civil War was a religious civil war between the Shia North and the Sunni South, an affiliation that gave rise to the formulation the Sunny South. After the Shia victory Imam Oliver Wendell Holmes predicted the Twelfth Imam would emerge from his well in the Christian year 2008, bringing about the end of days and the establishment of the world Caliphate.

And so the present is explained
‘Twas Allah from the start who reigned
The Founding Fathers standing in His stead
The Twelfth Imam the White House gained
A Christian leader he had feigned
And set about the country to behead
Soetero was his name at birth
But knowing that to rule the Earth
He needed something catchy like Barack
And cackling with an elfin mirth
The country’s sacred home and hearth
Upon ascension came under attack
The Twelfth Imam was free at last
Free of the well that held him fast
Now free to command all to Allah’s law
Obama boasted how he’d cast
Into the fire all the past
And all would feel the fury red and raw
The Twelfth Imam, Barack Hussein
A man so narcissistic vain
That he believes his very words inspire
The world to leave its bed of pain
And join the Muslims as they rain
Down death on all, to die by sword and fire