The Obama Tapes

In 2072, in response to a Freedom Of Disinformation request, White House conversations between President Obama and Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel were released to the public.  Offensive language has been sanitized.



My new healthcare plan, Rahm

It’s (expletive deleted) beautiful, Mr. President

Taxes, rationing, price controls, Rahm

Your people (expletive deleted) love you, Mr. President

Was watching Fox News the other day, Rahm

(expletive deleted), Mr. President

And that hot blonde was on

They’re all (expletive deleted) hot, Mr. President

Yes they are, Rahm

And often now I wonder, well

How come it is I got Michelle

But to the biz at hand today

These tea party folks won’t go away

(expletive deleted), Mr. President

On top of that my health care plan

The public loves, but if they can

Republicans will kill it dead

And put their own plan up instead

(expletive deleted), Mr. President

And climate change is on the ropes

Just dashing all our fondest hopes

That cap and trade will trash the USA

I talked last night to Karl Marx

And what he said just struck some sparks

We’ll fight them, Rahm, and truly make them pay

The way it looks it’s less than firm

That I will have a second term

(expletive deleted), Mr. President

So ‘twere it done it must be quickly done

Just get our troops to fall in line

And after that we’ll be just fine

Just stomp ‘em, Rahm, and show them just who won

I fear we have no time to waste

We need a crisis and in haste

A big one, Rahm, so big I can declare

That next election be delayed

And once that happens mark it paid

That I’ll be sitting here and you’ll be there

We’ll hit ‘em high, we’ll hit ‘em low

Yes martial law’s the way to go

And then we’ll be in power for all time

Republicans will slink away

And cry and weep and sob and pray

And scream that what we did was such a crime

(expletive deleted), Mr. President

I’m glad we had this little talk

It’s always good to make them squawk

I value your wise words and sound advice

We’ll win this thing, just you and me

And then Republicans will see

That crossing me they’ll weep and pay the price

Just squeeze them, Rahm, and squeeze them hard

Just squeeze those suckers into lard

And squeeze those mothers at Fox News as well

And that reminds me, my old pal

That Megyn Kelly’s on right now

I’ll watch a bit then go home to Michelle



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