President Obama’s speech today in Cairo will focus upon three things: Obama’s Muslim upbringing; America’s historical enmity toward Islam; and the Jews. I cannot predict he will be able to hold himself in check and not again bow before an Arab king, but I can confidently predict he will blame the United States for all the troubles of the world, and ask forgiveness. In fact, these are not predictions, but certainties, for I have come into possession, I shall not say how, of an advance copy of President Obama’s speech. Curiously, it rhymes.
O land of Ra! O land of ancient stones!
We come to beg forgiveness for our sins
We hope our being here somewhat atones
For all we’ve done to loose the awful djinns
That’ve harmed you and your children all your life
Like medicine and science and our cash
Those awful things that lead to constant strife
And turn the flame of life to cindered ash
We beg of you to please not turn away
We need your guidance and your counsel now
On bended knee I plead with you this day
To teach us Allah’s way and your know how
For only when we’ve turned our faith to yours
Will God’s work here on Earth be truly won
And highest form of art are pyramid tours
And all bow down to Ra the god of sun
O land of Ra! The pharaohs’ gracious land!
Thy glories down the ages ring in ears
Together we must travel hand in hand
To spread Islamic kindness through the years
I’ve come today to ask you pretty please
To think not ill of us here by your side
I’m sure my words have put you at your ease
By saying West Bank Jews we can’t abide
The land of Palestine is truly yours
The Jews so long ago had moved away
They’re back and must be put down on all fours
The entity sha’nt live another day
There’s work to do before we say goodbyes
Israeli force and terror must be o’er
Hamas and Hezbollah are just good guys
Who want their place on earth however poor
Hold hands with us the people of the West
And help us understand the Muslim mind
Your truthfulness and kindness are the best
In Islam you will find no other kind
In parting I will leave you with one thought
You have a friend in DC and it’s me
You’ve heard I’m sure the US can be bought
But save your dough, I’m giving it for free