Tag Archives: underwear bomber

Come Fly With Me

Frank Sinatra once sang Come Fly With Me, but that was before there was a National Security Administration. The TSA, under the direction of Big Sis Janet Napolitano, is determined to pursue a course of greatest embarrassment and inconvenience to the American traveling public instead of doing what any sensible person would do. Sensible people would try to find out WHO was getting on the plane, but Big Sis is determined to find out WHAT is getting on the plane. We have to take off our shoes because a terrorist had explosives in his shoes. The Word Trade Centers were brought down by guys armed with boxcutters, so we cannot take scissors on planes. The underwear bomber failed to explode his bomb and so we know he had a bomb in his underwear, and this means we have to have strangers grope around inside our underwear. Do they change gloves for each pat down? They do not. The gloves are for their protection, not ours. Sensible people, like the Israelis, look for terrorists; Big Sis looks for containers of mother’s milk. We scrutinize every tenth person in line, no matter if that tenth person is an 85 year old grandmother from Des Moines, or a crippled child. Bearded young Arab males go unchallenged, because that would be profiling, and we can’t have that. If you are hunting a man-eating tiger it is no use believing rabbits are possible tigers.   



A bearded man dressed as a nun

Approached TSA screeners

What’s in the jug one screener asked

“Why lunch, it’s just boiled wieners”

Well she’s okay, another said

Don’t bother with the cork

She’s not an Arab that is plain

For Arabs don’t eat pork

At full pat down the screener cried

What’s this inside your pants?

“Why that is just a crucifix”

She smiled with winsome glance

And so he boarded for his trip

To Allah’s paradise

A jug of naptha and a match

Lit up the nighttime skies

Meantime a little crippled child

Was ordered off to jail

For hindering the screeners work

When she began to wail

And so it went and so it goes

Our government plays hob

With peoples’ lives but all is well

Big Sis is on the job



Homeland Insecurity

A Nigerian Muslim boarded a Northwest jet in Amsterdam with explosives in his underwear, evading the airport screeners, and managed to set the bomb off as the plane approached Detroit. The bomb fizzled, causing only a small fire, and a Dutch passenger jumped on the terrorist and held him till other passengers subdued him. When asked about the incident, Janet Napolitano, head of Homeland Security, smiled and said the system worked. Shortly thereafter it was revealed the FBI and CIA had known about the terrorist for years, his own father had warned the American Embassy in Nigeria about him, and the man was on an airport watch list, along with 500,000 other names. Despite all this comforting security the man was allowed to board an airplane with a bomb strapped to his crotch. To Janet Napolitano and the Department of Homeland Security, the fact that the bomb fizzled and the plane and all its passengers were not destroyed is proof that the security system worked.



Our Janet thinks a fizzled bomb

Is triumph for our side

She treats the thing with calm aplomb

Detractors are decried

Five hundred thousand on the list

And not a one is checked

She says so there’s one we have missed

That surely can’t affect

The way we handle terror threats

We do so with dispatch

We always try to hedge our bets

In looking for a match

If she’s the anti-terror czar

Then you would think she would

At least not let them in the car

That much be understood

She thinks that we are all so dumb

To think men mean us harm

And thinks the magic aura from

The O will be the charm

To turn this world to happy days

By making real amends

That steers them from their terror ways

And make them lasting friends