Monthly Archives: February 2010

The Punch

The president of Iran recently promised a “Punch” to the West on the occasion of the anniversary of the Iranian Revolution, and we now know what that punch was. Iran announced they had reached 20% uranium enrichment, the stepping stone to 80% enrichment and a workable bomb. But it could have been worse, as the original “Punch” draft has come into the hands of Verse-afire, and the severity of the punch was toned down by cooler heads. The original draft “Punch” is reproduced here.

 

 

As Allah’s mighty host assembles

We see how infidel host trembles

Before our mighty Allah and his wrath

We beg relent ye unbeliever

Give up your god the great deceiver

And follow us down Allah’s golden path

For if you don’t we shall deliver

A blow to make your foul hearts shiver

A blow that shakes your brave mustachios

A punch that rips your world asunder

For if you don’t retrieve your blunder

We’ll raise the price of our pistachios

 

 

Which Is It – Man The Stan Or Stan the Man

General Stanley McChrystal apparently convinced the politicians in Pakistan that the Afghan Taliban and the Pakistani Taliban were conspiring to overthrow the government in Islamabad, and that is why the Pakis suddenly remembered where the leader of the Pakistani Taliban was and arrested him. No one could have been more surprised at the arrest than Mullah Baradar, the leader of the Pakistani Taliban, who had regularly attended meetings with Pakistani Intelligence officials, and who thought he was perfectly safe. Double dealing like this goes on all the time. Sometimes the Afghan and Pakistani politicians betray us, sometimes they betray the Taliban, sometimes they betray each other. But that’s life in the Stans. My question is, if we are in Afghanistan because it borders Iran and we want air bases in easy flying distance, then why not say so? If there is no strategic or geopolitical reason for being there that benefits the United States, then we should get out of those backwater and useless Stans and stick to our own Stans.

 

 

How did we get here, how and why

This Stan, this place of clans

This place where Muslim killers rule

Just like in other Stans

We’ve had our own Stans in the past

Stan Laurel comes to mind

Stan Musial was a lefty but

One of the hitting kind

The purest hitter I did see

And that includes DiMag

Not like the hitters in these Stans

Who come back from the hajj

All full of hate and fear and spite

Determined just to kill

And if they die those virgins wait

No sweat, it’s Allah’s will

I’ll take our Stans and they keep theirs

Stan Laurel makes me laugh

As General Stan McChrystal writes

The Taliban epitaph

 

 

The Days Go Slow But The Years Go Fast

We have all been assured that the older we get the wiser we get, but I’m not so sure. The only thing of which I am completely certain is that the days go slow but the years go fast. And not just fast, but a whirlwind of flashing scenes and faces when looking back down the dark rimmed corridor of time. Wasn’t it only yesterday I asked that pretty little girl to the prom? Why do I remember my first pair of roller skates? My first bike? How is it I remember the names and faces of everyone in my eighth grade class? I think I know the answers. It’s because memory works in fast years, so they didn’t happen all that long ago. When counted in slow days they happened sometime around the Permian, but that’s in slow days. In memory it all happened yesterday.

 

 

The days go slow, but the years go fast

We sit beside the roadside

And watch our days on earth go past

Denying it’s an ebb tide

Till much too late we chance upon

The notion that we’re mortal

And soon we’ll board that great white swan

And pass through heaven’s portal

We dream at length of golden things

But know they’re not for keeping

We know the tears that sorrow brings

And know how joy comes leaping

We watch our children skip and play

And prize the things we taught ‘em

Till one sad day they go away

Like falling leaves in Autumn

That’s not to say that we’re alone

In looking back in sorrow

At things for which we can’t atone

At least not til tomorrow

 

 

Mein Fuhrer

Senator Blanche Lincoln, (D-AR), is in deep trouble at home due to her vote on Obamacare, and desperately wants to keep her job. And so she politely asked President Obama to move to the center to avoid a disaster for the Democrats in November. The president coldly told her no, that he was pressing ahead with his healthcare agenda, because if he didn’t there would be nothing to differentiate between his administration and those that had gone before. Senator Lincoln left the Oval Office a sadder but not much wiser woman.

 

 

Mein Fuhrer, poor Blanche Lincoln cried

I do not like to shout

But I can’t leave without I’ve tried

To make you turn about

Your policies are driving us

To ruin and defeat

You lefties are depriving us

Of any chance to beat

Opponents who will run on your

Large debts and broken promises

You’ve turned our solid base in four

Short months to doubting Thomases

Obama slowly paced the floor

Not looking at Ms Lincoln

Then silently he closed the door

And said, with cool eyes blinkin’

It matters not that others lose

That’s not what I’m about

And call me Fuhrer if you choose

But please use an umlaut

 

 

A Tin-roofed Bar

In Santos City, the Philippines, a series of killings in open air tin-roofed karaoke bars has been attributed to growing rage over the too frequent singing of the old Frank Sinatra song My Way. Much too often a patron who has consumed too much Red Horse beer will stagger to the microphone, belch a few times, get out a few quavering bars of My Way, and POW! Shots, lights out, screams, and one fewer singer of My Way. It is to wonder.

 

 

In a tin-roofed bar in General San

As the midnight hour drew near

At the end of the bar sat a bow-tied man

Drinking a Red Horse beer

He tilted the felt hat to the side

Then strode to the microphones

The room grew hushed and women sighed

Then sighing turned to groans

As the first faint notes came to the ears

Of assembled dames and men

Fierce cries of rage well fueled by beers

Erupted “Not again!”

The crooner paid no slightest heed

He bade the music play

A single shot that made him bleed

But still he sang his way

Another shot that killed him dead

They watched him as he sank

Onto the floor where someone said

My God, you’ve shot poor Frank!

 

 

Rhymes With Tax

With the national debt reaching astronomical and unsustainable heights, with 10% unemployment and decreasing consumer confidence, Jeffrey Sachs, of Time Magazine, says the answer to our problems is simple. He argues that the United States should be more like Europe, that the United States has the lowest tax rates in the industrialized world, and that raising taxes, not reducing spending, is the only sensible and moral answer. 

 

 

Jeffrey Sachs, he rhymes with Tax

Says we should be like Norway

Or Spain or Greece, despite the facts

That show, Jeff, going your way

Will lead to higher taxes still

And higher unemployment

Insuring that the government will

Bring massive debt enjoyment

We’re much too much like Europe now

In debt up to our tookus

But guys like Jeffrey always bow

To lefty schemes to cook us

 

 

Button Up Your Overcoat

A cold wind generated by grass-roots Tea Party activism is blowing, and incumbents of the more liberal persuasion of both parties, but particularly Democrats, are buttoning up their overcoats. Dems who thought just one year ago that they were safe for life are deciding in droves not to run, the at home political climate is so cold and biting. Political writer Charley Cook now estimates that over 90 Dem House seats are now in play, and daily polls confirm that the public has had enough of Obama socialism, debt, taxes, arrogance and incompetence. I expect the Republicans to resurrect their 1946 mid-term campaign slogan HAD ENOUGH?

 

 

Button up your overcoat

When the wind blows free

Take good care of yourself

It is time to flee

Dissociate yourself

From the falling tree

Take good care of yourself

It is time to flee

Remember no more suites, mmm mmm

Swank retreats, mmm mmm

No repeats, mmm mmm

You try again we’ll bury your tum tum

Stay away from cap and trade

Health care’s not the key

Stuff your hopey new change

It is time to flee

 

 

Bug Zapper

The Bill and Melanie Gates Foundation wanted to see if there was a way to use lasers to detect parasites. Specifically, they wanted to see if lasers could detect malaria parasites in the bloodstream, and they found they could. Another group is using lasers to nip malaria at its source, the mosquito. It is called a Photonic Fence, and it detects mosquitoes at a distance and shoots them down with lasers. Zapping parasites in the blood seems doable, but I dunno about a Photonic Fence. Does it zap one skeeter at a time, or a whole cloud? Has anyone counted how many mosquitoes there are in this world, and how many Photonic Fences there would be needed to zap them all? And what would PETA say? I think they should leave the mosquitoes alone and devote their energy to doing something useful with their lasers, like fixing flats.  

 

 

The buzz is a photonic fence

Will zap and kill the buzzers

It gets his aunts and uncles too

And all his little cuzzers

 

Oh little buzzer how you fly

So quick and sharp and zippy

In just two seconds you will die

Ouch! That’s just one Mississippi

 

It’s late at night, I’m sound asleep

When near my ear a buzzing

My laser flares my wife recoils

I say it isn’t nuzzing

 

Out by the trees a flitting shape

It’s getting late at night

Was that a skeet or firefly

I just shot out his light

 

Is that my neighbor by the fence

I aimed and hit him low

I told the judge I saw him buzz

But he wouldn’t let me go

 

 

On The Road Again

The TARP Inspector General’s report is out. The next to last paragraph of the executive summary states that the financial danger is not past, if anything it has gotten worse. To quote, “Stated another way, even if TARP saved our financial system from driving off a cliff back in 2008, absent meaningful reform, we are still driving on the same winding mountain road, but this time in a faster car.” Unquote. Does anyone see meaningful reform? Does anyone see the next hairpin curve?

 

Willie Nelson, On The Road Again

 

 

On the road again

Just can’t wait to get on the road again

The life I love is making money with my friends

And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again

Getting bonuses and babes again

Buying Maseratis with my pocket change

And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again

Like a band of burglars we go down the highway

We’re the best of friends

Insisting that the world keep turning our way

And our way

Is on the road again

 

 

Soldiers

The Pentagon is working on practical battlefield lasers. The Army is working on a truck mounted laser that will kill incoming mortar rounds, the Air Force is working on an airplane mounted laser that will kill incoming missiles, and the Navy is working on a ship mounted laser to kill incoming sea skimmers. Battlefield lasers are the new wonder weapon, but it will take soldiers to win. It has always taken soldiers, and always will.

 

 

THE TIMELESS CIRCLE

 

Past green trees newly leaved, new green fields on either side, we marched. Distant white farmhouses, distant dogs barking nervously, cloaks against the misty Spring rain, we marched. North Africa the rumor, Zama the town. We didn’t care. We marched. And sang. Sang because we were young, sang because we were immortal, sang because we were Scipio’s boys.

 

All the silver’s for Centurions

The gold is for Triarii

And all the sweet young women are

For Publius Cornelius

 

Publius Cornelius Scipio. We would die, and they would call him Scipio Africanus. We marched, to the sea and the waiting ships.

 

The long swells laid many of us low, but finally, blessedly, we reached the bay and the river. Alexandria at last. We formed up on the quay, a bit unsteadily, still weak from the seasickness. Fifers leading, we marched up King Street, past capering boys and waving and cheering men and women. Braddock was but waiting on us, it was said, before pushing off for the great western forests. Fort Pitt was the rumor, and that meant a long campaign for the Forty-fourth Regiment of Foot, but that was all right, we were young and immortal. The long sea voyage and the longer campaign was a hardship on the married men, but for the rest of us women were a luxury of camp. But that was all right too, for we all loved the same woman, and her name was Brown Bess.

 

In the forest clearing we made camp, fires flaring into light, the smell of bacon on the cool night air. We thought of home, and of the coming days. The Cilician Gates was the rumor, then south along the coast to Aleppo, where was waiting King Muwatalli and the rest of the army. The weather, thanks to Tarhunna the Weather God, has been fair. Crown Prince Hattusili has told us the Pharaoh Ramses has left Damascus and is marching north, that the fight, when it comes, will be a hard one, for the Mizziri are accomplished warriors. We lay on our blankets, and in the growing dark came a voice, singing softly, an army song, a song a man sings when far from home and family, a song that reminds him of why it is he fights, why it is he dies. Welling up from the darkened field, the voices of the Tuhkanti regiment joined the lone voice, singing of home. Across the fields it spread, to the other regiments, sitting in the dark by their dying fires, until the night was filled with the sadness of young men thinking of mothers and sisters, wives and sweethearts, seeing their fathers in the fields, hearing the crickets and the birds and the wind in the plaintive leaves.

 

Hatti, beautiful Hatti,

Will I see thee once again?

Will I see the morning sun?

Will I see the evening star?

Hatti, beautiful Hatti,

I can see thee now.

 

The last line trailed away, the last notes faded on the soft evening air, until in the distance, from the direction of the Golden Aspens, another ubati took up the song, and once again the sad voices filled the night.

 

Hatti,beautiful Hatti,

I can see the fields aglow,

I can see the mountain snow,

I can see thee now.

 

We sang the final chorus, all of us, the entirety of the Kussara Division, our voices swelling on the final line. I can see thee now. The last sad notes faded into the night, and we rolled ourselves into our blankets and our thoughts, knowing that sleep will make us whole, knowing that tomorrow we’ll be soldiers again.

 

The coast road to Aleppo was clear, the Mizzri still far to the south. Rumor was if we hurried we would reach Kadesh before the Mizziri. The sea sounded very near at hand, and through a break in the trees we could see a beach.

 

Curiously, the beach looked peaceful. Boats coming ashore as if on a summer outing, no machine guns, no mortars, no arty. Equipment rolling off and onto the beach, long files of men trudging up the beach to the exits, not a shot fired.  It was surreal. I found the beachmaster, and he stuck out his hand. “Welcome to Okinawa,” he grinned. Inland, clear in the distance, lay a range of hills.

 

Purple hills shimmered in the heat hazy distance, the day growing hot. The muted sounds of birdsong and insect hum swirled around us. Across the field, drawn up in battle array, waited the Carthaginians. We raised our shields, and at the order, advanced.